Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Today I Choose Joy






I'm ashamed of how easy it has been lately for me to forget who is in control.
I spin in circles trying to understand what I am not made to understand.

Why?

I know where I find my every ounce of peace and I know very well the man who is waiting to embrace me with His healing hands.
I have made it more difficult for myself than it has to be.



................................................................................



am holding onto your promise, Father. Regardless of how many times I stumble walking towards your perfect promise, I will choose to keep walking forward with eyes fixed on you. I choose you God. I choose your love over any other love my heart yearns for.
You are enough



................................................................................



The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.
 By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see.

Hebrews 11:1-3


Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God’s Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us. By his Spirit he has stamped us with his eternal pledge—a sure beginning of what he is destined to complete.

2 Corinthians 1:20-22


 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.


Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10




................................................................................



I will not fear
for you are with me always

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Caught In Your Grace







I've reached another point in my walk this season where I feel like I cannot continue any longer. A point where my heart is tired of crying out late at night and my ears have grown weary at the attempt to patiently wait for direction. 


Father, I need you. I know the promise you have for me, and though my heart has grown tired I still believe in your precious promise. You love me so well even when no part of my being deserves to be loved by you. Who am I to be used by you. Renew my strength, God. Remind me of the unyielding woman you have made me to be. At your feet you will find my burdens and my multitude of tears, take them. I can't hold onto them any longer. 


Father, let me touch your robe. 
Heal my heart.



..........................................................................................................


Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
    scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
    set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
    give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
    shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
    or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
    put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
    so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
    and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
    I’ll let loose with your praise.

//Psalm 51:8-15//



..........................................................................................................



Jesus, on you, I wait.... 

Saturday, October 31, 2015

He Sees Us

Beautiful moment for me...

On the weekends I work for my church in the children's ministry dept. I work with 5th and 6th graders and it is such a joy. Those who know me well, know that I'm a child at heart and this is such a wonderful opportunity for me at the end of my week to be able to let loose and be a kid while also investing in Gods precious children. Today God made a way for me to not lead, and instead sit back with the kids. He sent a message today that broke a wall I've been crying out for Him to break. How beautiful... A message to these small children, He also meant for His older daughter... FOR ME. You see, we are no different than any of His other children in His eyes. No age, race, beliefs, NOTHING separates us in His eyes. He speaks to us even when we think we aren't meant to listen. He is everywhere. Always working for our purpose. He loves me... He hears me... He restores me. 


Today, Miss Araceli stood in the back of the room and cried like the child that God sees her as. My father knew His daughter needed to hear His voice and He spoke. Such a beautiful perspective He opened my eyes to. 


You are so faithful to me, God. 









Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Running Through The Hills


"We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails." Proverbs 19:21 MSG

"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." John 16:33 MSG 




I decided a quick run before class would be beneficial so that I could take off some of the weight from my heart. The cool breeze felt nice as it hit my face. I instantly entered a stage of peace. It was only my second lap around the park when the song "All I Need Is You" by Hillsong came on. After the first verse I remember saying to God, "I just want to be with you right now". I walked off of the track and headed towards the bundle of beautiful trees. I found a comfortable spot and dropped to the ground.
With eyes closed, and the only sound I hear is the music coming from my earphones, I pay close attention to my other senses. The wind is blowing, causing my pony tail to swing side to side. I smell freshly cut grass mixed with the smell of pond water. The sun is kissing my skin so gracefully from behind the leafless tree to my right. 
I get a sudden urge to open my eyes and it's like someone whispered in my ear "now". So at that moment, that's what I did. A nice man in purple detoured off the track and through the hills and the trees, ran right in front of my view of the pond, and waved with a polite smile. 
This was God speaking to me, and this is what he said:
"Celi, it's not always going to be easy. You are going to have to take the hard route sometimes, but I promise you it's going to be so rewarding in the end. Just trust me ! I know the desires of your heart. I placed them all right where there are. I have a plan for you, daughter. I need you to be patient. I need you to be still. I need you to be obedient. Stop trying to understand why I have you where I have you right now. Trust that I will reveal to you in the end why it had to be this way. You will be dancing in the fields one day, but for now I need you to run off of the safe track and into the challenging hills. I'll be with you every step of the way, just trust me." 

 With Anthony Hamilton playing in my ear, I took a few minutes to take in my surroundings. Children playing, laughing, and chasing ducks back into the water. Butterflies crossing my view of sight. Bees searching for a place to land. The leaves changing colors already. I looked up and my eye was fixed on one single leaf that was falling from the tree it once belonged to. Once it hit the ground with such elegance, another thought came to mind. 
Fall, my favorite season. This season has been my favorite ever since I was a small child. I love all the colors of fall. I love how the leaves selflessly fall from the trees to leave room for new life. I love the breeze that brings you into the arms of the one you love. Fall, the start of the holiday season when families get together to share meals and time together. This is my season... this is my peace. 

On my knees in the middle of the park, I feel Him close. 
Never have I publicly dropped to my knees in awe of your presence, until now.
No feeling of shame; for God already took that away.


"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see." Hebrews 11:1-3 MSG



Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Here We Are Again



This place is beginning to become way too familiar. All to a point where I'm starting to worry I'm becoming abusive to my own heart. 

How did I get here again?

I did everything I could to make sure this wouldn't happen. I put my entire heart into everything I believed in. I held onto what was good, I kept no records of wrong, and I listened to His voice through it all. I heard Him loud and clear when He whispered the promise He had for me. So what is this? Did I miss something?


To my broken heart: 
I am so sorry if I mislead you. I am so sorry if I misheard His voice for my own.
Here we are again, but it won't be like the rest of times. You see, this time it was worth it. This time we got to know the heart of a genuine, Godly man. Lets remember to love, even when it hurts. Lets remember to keep believing in God's greater plan, even when it hurts. Lets not lose sight of His promise for us, even when it hurts so bad. 


This time... it's going to be okay.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Alone.. But Not Really







Is it possible that God has purposely given us absolutely no one in this world that will understand certain circumstances that we go through so that we have no one to turn to but Him? No words to lift us up, but His? No arms that could catch our weight, but His? No eyes that see past our smile, but His? No ears that hear our silent cry, but His? 









I know you're there. 
Hear my cry, oh God.
Take my hand and walk me home.
Remind me that I am yours, and no one elses.
Pull me close, I want to hear your voice.












Monday, August 17, 2015

The Gift I Never Knew I Wanted



It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone. // Ephesians 1:11 MSG

.....................................................................

Growing up I always knew I was different. I had eyes that saw beyond color and a heart that felt everything around me. I felt touch from across the room and heard words that were never physically spoken. I felt like I was alone. As if no one was ever going to understand me. 
All of this was way before I was a Christian, but not too much has changed. Here I stand now, a follower of Jesus Christ, and I still look so deeply into the hearts of those around me. 

Who am I? Is this a gift? If so, why me?

I have such a desire to know people. I want to know how you feel about life from the minute you wake up, until you rest your head. I want to know your greatest fear so that we can tackle it together. I want to know the biggest craving of your heart so that I can help you find it. I want to know the feeling you get when your finger tips gracefully touch the person you love. I want to know where your mind wanders off to when you are surrounded by a crowd, yet lost in your own world. Are you hurting? Let's find the root of the issue. I just want to see everyone smile. I want everyone to enjoy life...
So what does this mean for me? Many sleepless nights, heartache, sacrifice, and at times a restless heart. If I had to be completely honest, there have been times where I stop and question God. "God, is this really what you want from me? Do you actually think I'm strong enough for this? What about my heart? When do I get a break?" It's not that I don't enjoy knowing so many hearts and being used by God to help heal, but this is something that takes so much energy out of me after time. You see, I don't just hear your heart, I feel it too. I'm constantly going through different emotions that sometimes I don't even know how to handle, BUT GOD does. And this is where I find my rest. 
He knows when I need a break. He knows my true strength and will never overload me. Through it all, I wouldn't choose another way of life. I love getting to know the hearts around me and I LOVE seeing God move mountains in their lives. I'm simply a bridge to God's work. I was called to be obedient in this matter and I find much joy in that. What He saw in me that made Him choose me, I'll never know, but I am forever grateful.

.....................................................................

I get to see people's hearts. I get to sympathize with them. I get to see God work.
THIS is my life. This is who I am. 
Araceli Janette Tijerina, 24 years of age, with eyes that see past the obvious and deep into the most important part of what makes up our identity. I am gifted with a loving, nurturing, and understanding heart. I am a missionary, I am a daughter to the Father most high, I am a dreamer, a friend. 
The most beautiful part of my identity;  God's not finished with it yet. 

On the days where I might question "what about my heart?", He reminds me of the promise He has for me... "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11 MSG

.....................................................................

When we hear His voice gently whispering to us our calling and identity, nothing amounts to it's beauty. We have a purpose, each and every one of us. How beautiful ! Lets share it with the nations and bring all the lost and broken souls back to Christ ! If you haven't heard His whisper yet, I encourage you to quiet the noise around you, I promise He's speaking into your heart. 

.....................................................................

"Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back - given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." Luke 6:38 MSG



Prayer request:
Pray that I continue to be obedient even when it hurts. That I never lose faith in the plans He has for me. Pray that my heart never hardens towards the hearts of others. 



I love this life. 



Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Lunch Break


Don't you just love when God comes to your rescue at the perfect time? Not before trouble hits your heart, not after you've given up, but right when you've reached your limit of patience with no where else to hide your frustrations and.... there He is. With arms stretched out wide, "come daughter, let me bring you peace". He reminds me that though I was about ready to give up on this day, I made it to the peak of my limit without hurting anyone's heart in return. 
I made it, and now it's His turn to take over. 


...............................................



Ready to give up, I open my Bible at my desk and instantly, literally, He turns my attention to Proverbs 3:27. I take a deep breath, accept His word and move on through my studies. He then leads me to Colossians 3:12-14 which is where He began to calm me down by reminding me of my identity in Him. I am being reminded of the new heart He Gifted me with after being saved. It's a kind heart, though I feel kindness was always a trait my character held, my HEART wasn't always kind in a way that represented God. 

The verses read:

Colossians 3:12-14
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. 
And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. 
-The Message



...............................................


He's always there at the perfect time. Never leaving me with opportunity to fail or return to my old heart. Always there to make me see my success in the midst of a mess. 
He is my perfect cheerleader. 


On with the day ! :)


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Child's Cry

I remember when things were different. Seems like almost a completely different lifetime, perhaps someone else's story. A story put together by the all the hopeful particles of the heart. The particles formed from dreams, movies, fairy tales even. Is that fair? This world makes us believe that one day things should be perfect. This world makes us believe that if the dreams of such pure children are to never come to life, that somewhere we went wrong. Is that fair? You see I've never been anything different than a dreamer. My earthly father chooses to describe my lack of structure as "full of life". What life am I full of? The life of the child still hopeful, whom still exists in my soul ? Might I be full of a life that has no destination... is that fair? My every emotion vibrating from my heart, forming thoughts and decisions in my mind, only creating more dreams. Maybe these dreams will one day come true or maybe that's all that they were ever created to be, but... is that fair? God you said that if I were to delight my whole self in you, that you would grant me the desires of my heart, but I'm constantly fighting a battle against a man who hates you and I so you must see that I'm tired and at times confused, but is that fair?



"Be still, daughter. Be still."

Monday, July 13, 2015

Garage Sales With Jesus




 As most know, I have grown fond of missionary work. I have two trips I have committed to that I am working on funding right now. After a lot of prayer, brick walls, tears, and more prayer, God blessed me with a huge break this past weekend. 

....................................................................................................................

Thursday I woke up in a better mood than usual. I jumped out of bed, put myself together, and left for work. On the drive I remember having a conversation with God out loud. I remember saying to him "Today is going to be amazing, I feel it !" and it most definitely was. It was a normal morning at first, I was studying the book of Job, drinking my second cup of coffee, and listening to music. My boss then asked me if I could watch the front desk while she had a short meeting with the front staff. This is when things got good! It was quiet and calm at the front, still no patients. I remember looking out the window watching the sun come up behind the buildings. In awe of it's beauty, I was at so much peace at that moment. As if all of the world had silenced at the same time to watch what God was doing. I was interrupted by a sweet friend of mine wanting to say good morning, or so I thought. This lady, her name is Anna, and I like to think of her as my grandmother. She is always looking after me, always making me laugh, she feeds me, and she holds a special place in my heart. I grew up not really knowing what a grandmother was like. The lady who raised my father passed before I was born. My mother's mother passed when I was young and she lived in Mexico so I wasn't able to really get to know her. I may not know what it's like to have a grandmother, but when I think of what one would be like, I think of Anna. She slipped a white envelope with a blue OSA label onto the desk in-front of me.  She then said "I didn't have much to give because I gave it all elsewhere, so here is a little bit of money for your trips." I didn't realize I had been holding my breath, but I exhaled at that moment in relief. I would give anything to see what my face looked like. I hugged her while thanking her, and she walked away. Without even opening the envelope yet, I held it in my hands for a moment just staring at it. I closed my eyes and spoke to God; "I knew it, I knew you had something special for me today". I opened it and found two-hundred dollars, my heart was still...

I took the day off Friday because my beautiful Momma had put together a garage sale to help me raise money for my trips. This woman goes above and beyond for her children, I hope I am at least half the woman she is when I have children ! I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting from this two day garage sale, but what I was faced with was beyond perfect. I saw Jesus in so many different people and events that occurred ! I saw him in my Momma with her gifting heart, I saw him in the people who prayed over me in my driveway, the children running and playing, the friendly waves form cars passing by, He was everywhere. I found him most in the smile of this lady that we met on Friday, I'll never forget it.

I was flagged down by this lady looking through a stack of kids jeans. I walked quickly down the hot cement driveway as I was barefoot and my feet were burning. She asked if she bought multiple pair of jeans, if we would give her a deal, I agreed. This woman had a story to tell, I just knew this by the flawlessly deep wrinkles on her face. My heart instantly linked to this woman, I suddenly had a need to know more. I quickly made my way back up to the stool next to Momma's rocking chair. I sat in silence just trying to figure out what God was trying to tell me. The woman and her daughter brought all that they were buying up to us with joy written all over their faces. Mom and I looked at each other for a few seconds and she proceeded with an amount, "ten dollars" she said. My heart smiled, I knew my mom felt God speaking to her too. "¡Aye Gracias, Gracias señora!" she repeated while folding her hand in front of her face, hiding her vulnerability. Mom and I talked for a bit when she left. I couldn't help but feel like there was more we could have done. My heart was still tied to this woman and I couldn't shake it. I knew God wasn't finished.
The following day, a car parked right in front of our driveway and out came the woman with three of her children. I grabbed my moms arm in excitement, "Mom, mom, they're back !". With the most beautiful smile highlighting the stories on her face, she walked up to us to tell us how appreciative her husband was that their little boy now has school clothes. She said that her husband gave her a little bit more money to come shop some more, so Momma told her to look around and whatever she found, to take it. Momma assured her that she had nothing to worry about when it came to money. This time, she had about 5 bags of clothes. You could tell she was nervous about how much it was going to cost her, but I was excited. Excited because I knew mom had something up her sleeve ! Momma didn't even look to see what all she had in the bags, she just looked at the lady and said "five dollars, please." Once again, my heart smiled. This time the woman couldn't help but let her vulnerability be visible, and it was the most beautiful thing I've seen in so long. As they were loading some of the bags, mom and I had time to share what we were feeling in our hearts. God had put together a beautiful plan that caught us off guard. We thought this garage sale was going to be about the plans He had for me to serve, never did we expect Him to put it on our hearts to bless someone in the middle of our driveway. I heard him as clear as ever though, he said "you will bless this lady with what I have blessed you with" so we obeyed. We took their number down, and told them we would call them after we shut down the sale so that we could gift them with more. The looks on their faces were priceless ! 
After they left, I had a sudden urge to write about where my heart was with all of this. How amazing it is that God speaks to us and how He blesses us all. I wrote for about an hour in that hot, hot garage. In the middle of typing everything it all just disappeared ! It was the weirdest thing ever. Usually every five to ten minutes my writing automatically saves and for some reason, it didn't this time. I was devastated ! I had put so much fresh emotion, detail and time into that entry and it was gone so quick (my fellow writer buddies would understand). That evening we got no answer when we tried calling them. It was kind of an empty feeling only because of how excited we were to see God in that smile of hers again. Sunday came along and we decided to give it another shot. Three hours later, a response came in via text. They wanted to come over ! I ran downstairs to let my mom know and we went to the garage to sort things out for them. The lady brought her oldest daughter this time, also twenty-four years of age. You guys... God showed up.
This day was different from the past two. This time the lady felt comfortable enough to open her heart to us. She dug into the deepest of her wounds and shared her testimony with us. She spoke to us about the awful loss of her son who was brutally murdered to the loss of her home in LA and everything that was in it. They moved to Texas with nothing but each other. A family of eight who have suffered so much, yet carry so much hope in their hearts. I was at a loss for words hearing her speak about all the tragedy she's faced. It was not by accident that I met her in my driveway. A couple of hours passed and they were packing up to leave. They were digging in their pockets trying to find money to give us for what they were taking, but my Momma asked them to stop, we weren't looking for payment. In that moment it was as if I could physically see the bricks falling off her shoulders as she exhaled. The lady gently placed her tiny soft hands in mine and made us promise to visit her home so that she could prepare a meal for us, we accepted. 
After they left, so many things started to make sense. I don't believe it was by mistake that I was studying the book of Job just that Thursday. The entry that was mysteriously erased, was erased because He wasn't finished with the story. I serve such a faithful God ! He might take away, but what he gifts us with in return is nothing short of perfection. Trust in his plan over yours. Trust that through your struggles, He has a mighty way.  

....................................................................................................................

God reminded me this past weekend that though He has plans for me to serve outside of the country, He still has work for me here at home. Home is a mission field just as much as it is in a third-world country. I encourage you all to open your hearts to serve. God is going to bless you, and bless through you in ways you could never imagine. This past weekend, He blessed me with new friends and $600 to go serve. 



If you can't go, give. If you can't give, pray. 






Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Open Book

I have decided to take the next step with vulnerability. I am opening the book to which the pages reveal the most intimate, honest, painful, and beautiful moments in my life. This blog will reveal nothing close to a perfect Christian. As a matter of fact I want to tell the story of how imperfect I am and how powerful and life changing God's grace is. 

You see, I have been on this walk for some time now. I have had several moments where I have failed to stand by my promise when all He has ever done was be true to His. I now have wonderful people in my life who take joy in holding me accountable with the steps I take and I am forever grateful and in love with these relationships with such Godly people. 
Now it's time to hold myself accountable by being very open and transparent with my writing. 

I have made several blogs for several reasons, but never for something like this. I have journals that hold my deepest regrets and shameful ways. Some things I refused to put into writing in hopes that after time the hurt would fade and the memories would disappear. I spent many nights angry with God in the past because I was expecting his forgiveness to make the pain go away. 
It doesn't work like that... 
It wasn't until I truly learned of his grace and the freedom to be found in bringing your sin to the light, that life really began to change for me. It wasn't that God hadn't forgiven me, it was that I hadn't learned to forgive myself. 

..................................................................................


I took a couple steps back in my walk with Christ the other day, and awoke with a feeling of disgust. Gratefully this time I knew exactly who to turn to. There He was, with open arms, waiting to tell me it was all going to be okay. That morning I walked around with my chin to my chest and spirits as low as the ground that I walked on. I couldn't bring myself to understand how easy it could be to fall back like that. 
A couple of hours later, I got online to check the account for my mission trip and at that moment an email came through. A friend of mine from work had emailed to tell me that she shared the donation link for my trip with her family and to expect a couple of donations. 
Just like that, I was reminded that no matter what I believe I am worth, God still sees me as an investment and to him I AM WORTH IT ALL. 
The rest of that day was still pretty emotional. I got home that evening, ate a quick dinner, and took a shower in hopes of ending the day as fast as I could. Something wouldn't let me give up just yet though... A song had been replaying in my mind all day and in that moment, I took the time to listen to myself sing out the lyrics. I fell instantly to my knees in tears and cried out to Jesus. He has been trying to get me to sing with Him all day, but I continued to let my shame cloud his presence. Still on my knees, my tears soaked the towel that was once wrapped around my head. 



That night I didn't end the night early. I stayed up and I sang, and I sang, and I sang until I was free from shame and my heart was once again mended by His most precious gift of GRACE !!


..................................................................................


2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (The Message)
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
 My strength comes into its own in your weakness.


Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Words, Seasons, & Things

Well Well... Look where God has brought me. Back to an old blog I semi-purposely quit writing for. Don't you love when He does that...