I seem to be in this new season where He keeps begging me to slow down and just listen to His voice a little deeper, more intentionally, and with a heart to react in obedience. I'm so glad that I finally gave in to trying to hold it all together, and chose to give it all back to God. It's awful, how deeply I burry myself without even noticing it. I'm so grateful to serve a God who joyfully showers me in His perfect grace and endless love.
The biggest weight I carry is one that tries to convince me that it's my responsibility to keep everyone happy. It tells me that time to myself is not important, and it belongs to the rest of the world. People matter to me. I would give my life so easily for people without question, but I have to learn that my life matters too. I'm learning that if I don't give myself the time I need to free myself, to gain knowledge God has for me, to invest in my heart's desires, then I am not honoring God's will for my life. Such a hard thing to learn, but it makes so much sense. Time for myself is His time with me.
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I'm currently alone right now downtown in Sundance Square. I know, I know... I can already hear my fathers voice saying "what's the matter with you? Are you crazy or what?". I might be, I don't know. What I do know is that if this is crazy, it feels so much like home. The sky is black. Faces are glowing with the building lights. People are in love. Children are running, and laughing with children who were strangers shortly before. Michael Jackson is singing to me. If I'm crazy, don't bring me back from this. I've been longing to hear with my heart again. I am home.
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